


For the first time in a long time

by Glump



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, and i have been in a christmas mood for the last month or so, cassidy basically experiencing a christmas for the first time, i work in retail and we have all the christmas stuff on display already, we all need a little christmas no matter what time of year it is, yall probably only look forward to halloween right now but i dont care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 04:10:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16318895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glump/pseuds/Glump
Summary: Cassidy has always hated Christmas. He's always been lonely, didn't have anyone to celebrate with. This year is going to be different.





	For the first time in a long time

This time of year was always hard on him.  
Usually, he spent Christmas alone, in the dark, high on whatever he could find.  
Usually, he spent Christmas being jealous of all the people that passed him on the street because he was certain that they had someone to go back to, someone to come home to, someone to sing carols and light candles with. Everyone had someone. They would gift each other horrible presents and struggle to return them on company policy's time and they would love it anyway. At least they had gifts to return.  
Cassidy was cruel and violent and not loveable in any standard but oh, how he wished he was.  
This time of year was always hard on him. 

This year was going to be different. 

Long before the 24th Tulip started decorating. She hung a little Christmas tree-shaped air freshener up in the car, painted her nails green and red and wore fuzzy socks around the house. Even Jesse, normally hard to excite about anything, hummed whatever church hymn he had on his mind when he did the dishes or browsed the newspaper. Cassidy swore he'd seen him whistle once, too.

On the first advent, they found themselves sitting together after dinner, just talking, when Cassidy mentioned that this was his first Christmas spent not alone. 

On the second advent, Cassidy found Tulip in the kitchen, setting up an advent wreath with candles and proper pine branches and tiny baubles. She asked him to light it after dinner and Cassidy would never admit it but something in him moved, made him feel as warm and fuzzy as Tulip's socks. He felt so whole as he watched the candles burn, smiled and hugged Tulip and kissed her on the cheek for good measure. 

On the third advent, Jesse and Tulip went out after a long hushed conversation behind closed doors and returned with a few boxes of baubles and tinsel and a decent Christmas tree. Cassidy, who had only ever imagined this, couldn't believe how messy decorating a tree could get. There were needles on the ground everywhere, some even stuck to his sweater and hair after he and Jesse had finished. But he couldn't stop smiling and thanking Jesse. 

On the fourth advent, Jesse and Tulip spent the whole day baking a bunch of different traditional Christmas cookies. Cassidy got to pick cookie cutter shapes and lick the bowls. He had a terrible stomach ache lying in bed that night - but it was worth it. 

On Christmas Eve, Tulip, Jesse, and Cassidy went to church. They dressed up in their best clothes, sat right in the middle and for once even Tulip listened intently to what the preacher had to say. It wasn't the best sermon, they would later agree, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Jesse quietly sang out the hymns while Cassidy belted them out, not too sure of either words or melody.  
They went out to a bar after, drinking whiskey and smoking too much. No one dared to approach the peculiar three that on paper shouldn't be mates but they weren't there to make friends anyway. Not even Cassidy was looking for an easy lay that night.  
They went home earlier than usual, Jesse and Tulip hand in hand. Tulip noticed Cassidy lazily trotting behind them and gave Jesse a little nudge. The both of them slowed down and Tulip linked her arm through Cassidy's. No one should walk alone on Christmas, she insisted.  
Cassidy smiled at that. 

On the morning of the 25th, Cassidy was jolted awake by Tulip barging into his room. He sat up, eyes still aching to close again, when Tulip almost dragged him out of his bed into the living room. Jesse and Tulip, both in ridiculous Christmas-themed pajamas, were quite a sight. He never thought he'd see Jesse dressed like that.  
Yawning and scratching his chest he asked what they were doing up so early. Until he spotted the tree and more importantly - the gifts neatly placed under it. Jesse and Tulip started singing a carol and had it not been so incredibly awkward, Cassidy would have shed a tear or two.  
It was like he'd always dreamed, just better. It was actually real.  
They sat down around the tree and slowly unwrapped their gifts.  
Cassidy was embarrassed because he hadn't thought to get Jesse or Tulip anything but they assured him that it was fine.  
Jesse got a bottle of middle-shelf whiskey, Tulip got some new sturdy looking leather boots and Cassidy - Cassidy got an atrocious sweater and some socks 'since his were all holey and bad anyway'.  
It was all so perfect in its own way. 

Cassidy lived his life unattached to anyone or anything. Cassidy lived life like a dying man, always on the run from the inevitable end - only his would never come. Cassidy lived life fast and dangerously and always ready to up and leave at any second.  
But at that moment he took some time to reflect, to be grateful and thank the universe, and whoever was out there listening, that he crash-landed in Annville and met a preacher and got assaulted by a crazy woman in a brothel.  
He was thankful that they loved him, was thankful that he got to love them, too. 

This time of year was always hard on him. It made him aware of what he'd once had and lost, of what could have and should have and would have been. Christmas made him feel unlovable and lonely and bad in whatever else way one could feel awful about one's existence. 

This year was different.


End file.
